smiling all the way.....

now i get it when people tell me that their heart is filled with pain but they are smilling as though nothing has happened...honestly i think this is the first time that i manage to do that..i controled my feelings and act so normal...my frens expected me to scream hysterically, cry my heart out or god knows wat i will do when im sad and worse of all is that the news came out so insulting....all i did was jus smile and said as i expected...

things usually wont work out the wat i want things to be...but usually at last it will but not this time..ive already accepted that fact long enough but its just that i dont want to give up cause after such a long period of time that ive spent on it might as well continue with it...

actually today my heart is filled with sorrow that ive never felt before...everything seems raw to me...my friends hope that i can just cry my heart out but the problem is that im now in such a condition when i dont even know how to differentiate between happiness or sadness...to me everything is neutral....perhaps deep down i feel so sore.

at this point of time i think its best i just let the feeling go....i dont want to fall in love anymore dee..this will be the last person ill fall for...i dont want to be hurt all over again...i dont want things like that to happen to me again..i had enough of all this pain and sorrow...does the other party knows?no i dont think so...its all a one sided thing i think...ive been thinking too much about this matter that it is somehow affecting my studies..