will things get back to normal??

all this while i thought breaking up was easy. but it turns out more difficult then i thought it would be. yah i moved on. or at least i thought i did. i dont know. im lost seriously lost! n confused!! ergh!! ah i went tru hell for the past erm lets say, 4years?? thankz particularly to someone.. yeah idid.seriously did.. some ppl will jus leave the other party in darkness n move on with life. not knowing that the other side cried n suffered alot..he was emotionless when we broke up.. according to him, its better to break up n he avoiding me so that things will be better.. bu fine at least gimme a reaso not by saying "er, i dunno ler" how long do you wanna run away from the reality sayin that we are not an item anymore?? things were fine when the separation happened..after that i dunno wat happened anymore. i try not to ponder over it because its the past ma. but den again, its not easy lo really..a few times i caught myself offguard thinking about it. n last week when i was drunk i said sth that i should not say..WTF is wrong with me wei!! get over it. i think the "kekokness" is an issue lo. he doesnt admit it tho. today supper 4 e.g. he actually move the candle thing nearer to him so that the thing will block his view from me n vice versa. to me, he is an egoistic, overly sensitive fella!! ish ish ish hate him!hes such a chicken kolot really!!4get it la. so childish!get a life weih!!u think wat??!! ahh!! no point complainin also ma. all i can say is that im overly sensitive also.aihzwell i guess he doesnt like me that much as much as i like him.. after all this shit, all i wan from him is jus be good frens n thats it!!why cant i get that??does this mean that im not totally over him yet?impossible ma i guess dunno ler. ish ish ish headache dee.on the bright side i found a best fren,zm thanx to him i found her. lol

ignorence is bliss..

im one of those ppl who likes to find out things n get hurt after knowing the truth.. oh well, last yr i use to have a fren who tells me things straight in to the face n i took it seriously.. den after a while of them telling me things i thought those stuffs were real.. manatau truth hurts me like crap.. but den again, when she told me i kept quiet n smiled.. why cos they were the ones who actually convinced me of getting in to that matter n now the truth is out..ahaha no more..
why why really why am i being so silly to fall for all this shit.. wat the heck really.. my trials are in less den 5days.. all of these are out from my mind..jus that hmm weird really to come n think about it why all this shit happened before.. ahahaha dun care dee la..

thoughts

how come ppl are so judgemental at times??why do they have to follow trends 4 e.g someone does sth n they gotta follow put with it?? why cant some ppl jus have their on thoughts on things n don judge others based on wat ppl say?? sometimes it hurts alot if u happen to walk by n hear stuffs like that.. ppl are different.. they want attention and obviously to be well-known.. who doesnt..but this is not the right way...
i myself has learnt my lesson the hard way instead.. i did somthing bad and they are planning on a revenge on me.. all i can do is nothing.. as the saying goes.. wat goes around comes around.. something like that.. anyways, can we live without spreading rumors? can we live without gossiping?? can we survive out there without frens and survive as a lone ranger?? is there such thing as u trust someone n that someone will not break that trust??how true can that be?? how come others can be so nice to you n behind of you they bitch non-stop about you??
when can we put a fullstop on this matter??ignorin it totally??even at times when u wan to make things clear like 4 the stuffs you did not do, you think ppl will bother to listen ar??they will think as though you are really wrong thats why u need to explain.. but u see if u dont, things will get worse.. ive given up totally on this matter its not like anything is gonna happen to me if i explains or not.. im still wrong.. bloody hell you know.. should have given me a chance to voice out wat.. no..we do live in a democratic country u know and everyone has their rights to voice out their opinions...
its only 3 mths left before my nightmare happens after that ill be as free as a bird and i can start anew all over again.. that would be extremely nice.. its better if i stay out from everything for the time being.. things are getting out of hand at this freaking moment.. i do wonder how some ppl cope with all this shit and their studies..

do u ever wonder?

does it occur to u that you feel as though your the only 1 who know about your existance??they did it on purpose to ignore u totally.. sigh.. i wonder if i happen to do that to others.. seriously..does it even matter seriously??i doubt la.. u expect me to treat u nice when u treat me like at a piece of crap... it is jus my negative thoughts or it is happening around me..
well to the heck with it seriously... today i was being stuck with this fella for the paired experiment.. well i don think i need extra insults to my condition now.. yes i can be more positive but not with your insults straight in my face.. sigh.. why do i care?? he only play a small role in class but darn his words can be a killer really...but why do i have to care??you treat me as tho i did sth really wrong to u but seriously wat the heck it havent crossed my mind.. u ignored me totally during exp n i ask u a few questions n u took it heck to seriously n scolded me back 4 ntg.. it was only a freakin question cant u jus answer me properly?? well nvm la.. be rude to me as much as u wan la.. like i care anymore..your only making ppl feelin bad about things that they have not done.. n i seriously think that the teachers who teach us deserve a better treatment.. ya i know u don like them but they are still teachers respect them.. they provide us with knowledge... its true that some ppl gets too much when your too vulnerable.. sigh..

i should get started....

ok muet is this sat *shrugs* im afraid of it anyway... aihz speaking my weakest.. oh well hopefully ill get an easy topic on that so i can speak my way tru * prays hard *... i realised that ive been procastinating really... all i did ystdy was reading 2 chapters pf PA den did like 1 question of maths.. ergh!! i should be more disipline really.. erghh.. ppl like those top scorers really work their ass off by wat? taking up STUDY as their hobby.. dont u think thats a lil freaky?? aihz... how nice if i can be like them.. oh well im trying hard tho...

ive no choice really less den 6 mths before my trials... erghh less den 20 days for my mid year.. shouldnt i freak out now.. even those playful ones in class are paying attention n questioning teachers if they dunno anything n also doing their assignments...freaky huh?? whilst me on the other hand is still being relaxed n getting TOO lil done.. ergh!!!when will i change!?? darn... ive been given lectures from aunts n parents oh how to study.. well im not working hard enough n they are expecting too much from me... wat can i say really but to put in everything by working my ass off studying till late everyday n try to pay attention in school.. ergh sch is boring as in certain subjects really.. the teachers will like bore u out eventually after lets say 20mins or less?? depending on the situation of the class..

i think i better stop crapping all my thoughts down now... n continue with my work...

things to be done by today
- chapter 1-3 of chemistry.. (organic )
- chapter 1-5 of PA
- maths homework... ( both 1 n 2 )

hopefully i ll carry them out as planned.. if not im sure to die!!!
ergh!!! * keeping fingers crossed *

silly me..

ahah finally ive regained my senses that liking someone for such a long time is really a waste of time...ahaha...thankz to all the depression that have sort of made me puled myself up to realise how silly ive been all these years!!why should i do so ive no idea...making my feelings clear is such a great thing..ive decided to drop that whole lot of burden down reallythen 4 once i got so so so depressed n finally i manage to pick myself up today n realise wat ive done is wrong..so ive made up my mind ive decided to 4get about the feeling n make way 4 a brighter future!
i dont know why im so positive suddenly that really shocks me.really ahaha dunnola perhaps im jus an empty soul now for me also to realised how silly ive been all these years!ahahaha so so happy now wanna 4 get about everything n move on with mylife .so happy with it ahhaha dunno why also ...

i should also change.. im such a bad person.. ahaha there fore i should change...ahahaha!!

oh well my exams are like jus around the corner tho is 1 mth away from my mid year.. oh bother ive a whole lot of stuffs to cramp into my head..erghh i don like but wat to do i gotta do it also.. ahaha.. well well.. jus forget about the past n strive hard towards the future ler... ahahaahaha this is a whole bunch of crap since the last time i blogged.. ahahaha

ahah finally ive regained my senses that liking someone for such a long time is really a waste of time...ahaha...thankz to all the depression that have sort of made me puled myself up to realise how silly ive been all these years!!why should i do so ive no idea...
making my feelings clear is such a great thing..ive decided to drop that whole lot of burden down really

then 4 once i got so so so depressed n finally i manage to pick myself up today n realise wat ive done is wrong..so ive made up my mind ive decided to 4get about the feeling n make way 4 a brighter future!i dont know why im so positive suddenly that really shocks me.really ahaha dunnola perhaps im jus an empty soul now for me also to realised how silly ive been all these years!ahahaha so so happy now wanna 4 get about everything n move on with my single life .so happy with it ahhaha dunno why also