this is life

i do realise that im not the type that its suitable to fall in luv...y??i get too into it n at last ill b the only 1 being hurt like hell!!wat 4?wasted my entire high sch yrs into liking a guy...wtf?indeed i admit ihad a couple of relationships during my high sch years..but that time i fell 4 sumone else is becos he had gfs that time..

i did thought that i was totaly over him when i was with sttk...god knows how long was it...i was really over him after i was with sttk....i think after a mth or so i realised its not over yet...i did kinda ignore it but soon it bugs me...i dare not tell any1 bout this at all..i took it hard on myself n i havent really 4given myself till now...

after that i did break up with sttk...i still like him tho i mean last time la...i regretted wat i did to him...so sadden-ing...so b on the safe side, i rather not b in a relationship...i wasnt in 1 for a few years...it doesnt bugg me tho..really...till like 2 mths bek, iwas in a relationship...y i was in that relationship i dunno the reason though...

but the whole main idea is that i like this fella since f1 n till now i still like him...he did left 4 ns but b4 ns he was really really nice but after 3 weeks there he sumhow changed alot...i mean alot....sighz....well, its jus the stupid me likin a guy 4 ages n dare not tell him a single thing...well, its understoodla he treats me ni as a fren...song supplier... n now information supplier?

in this world ntg is fair... but it cant d that unfair till lidat rite?ive jus gotta accept the fact that im not his type of gal lo...sighz...i mean till now oso he doesnt know that i like him...weird eh? i think its time 4 time to do its thing n move on with life n flow along with it happily...y wanna let all these bother me??all those bf gfs thingy hurts alot thats all...

moreover ineed to get to my studies d....many told me that its not a good time to haf a relationship which i really agree...i tend to b a very emotionless person now...cos i dun deserve to b hurt anymore...truely im hurt tho..there will alwis a mark in my heart i will never 4get tis very day...

ill still tok to him but not goona say anything much d...its more likely ill avoid him...better still..he will get bek his dose of medicine....im jus a plain evil person...very evil indeed...i ought to change that evil part of me but still he will get his dose of med 1st b4 i change hahahaz *evil* *evil*

When you choose your friends, don't be short-changed by choosing personality over character.

i think overall this week is the worst week ever...it all started with hmmm lets name her A...she came to me telling me that she has broken up with her bf after such a long time relationship...bla bla bla...after spending like so much time consoling her, the next day she told me that she got back with him...i jus b happy 4 them la..jus mad at myself...sighz...that part i took around 1 week to chill n then tok to her again....

then now B, he suspects me trying to break him up with the gal he likes...if i were to do that, i wont b asking the gal to accept him d la...stupid rite??when i confronted him, he asked a fren la then his fren obviously told me wat happened lo...then i couldnt stand his attitude..suspecting me with all sorts of nonsense...then later lagi teruk, he thinks that i like him...wat a joke...falling 4 a guy that i dislike his attitude totallY when im liking sum1 at the moment...(its obviously not him!!)plsla..get a life, if u are reading this.. you know who you are...but im now indeed glad for them...y they are together d...happy for them...

im not in a good mood lately, cos got la family stuffs....sighz....n they think im mad at them for being together...wat a joke....duncare la...jus let them thinkw at the wanna think la....i think this quote really suit them "When you choose your friends, don't be short-changed by choosing personality over character." i dont know la..but then i hate I REPEAT i HATE waiting for ppl and then they will tell you that nevermind la u guys go 4 the movie can d...its ok 1...i mean if we hav agreed to go 4 movies you as an individual should jus go for the movie rite?..perhaps its jus their attitude la...cant get use to it tho...

its better if they change....they really need to change..a few of us might not care but others they might care....even if you dunwant, then you should jus tell us beforehand that you are jus gonna meet us n not go for the movie mar...at first i was extremely happy... but after waiting for like 2 hours you come to us n tell us that you dont want to go 4 movies..that jus pissed me off...ok nevermind, i tried to tolerate,but after that all she did wat rolled her eyes at me...goodness, ive tried to tolerate d but all u did wat jus rolled your eyes at me you look as though you beh syok stuffs lidat..

i dont care la...obviously with my temper, i jus stormed off la...after that you wanna tok things through...that part, ive cooled down alot d...if not i wont tok to u nicely k...i rather let things b lidat...dont want to care much la...YOU were the 1 who asked me to keep you updated with things, and all you tell me now is taht im PESTERING YOU!!wah lau...u r really getting to my nerves really!but ive been paitent enough not to throw my tantrum at you!frens like you can be found anywhere....i dont need a fren like you around too...

but if you opt to change, ill b always there to forgive you anyhow...

what a day...

it all started the night before yesterday....i had to beg my parents to allow me to attend a campfire...it was my first time begging honestly..why did i do so??all also cause i dont want to disappoint my best fren...she did ask me to go...some how ill jus say ok to everything she says....i didnt put in some parts cos its P&C....i called her n told her i cannot make it...she sounded kind of disappointed...all she told me was, don't worry, we will find a way out...then we thought of uncle...persuaded him to go...we waited for him till like ermm 12 - 2 am but he didnt turn up...all he did was sms her at 12.15 am n ask her wats so important...wah lau...kek khi nia...

i came online and then send him a msg tru friendster....he didnt reply till ermm the next day around noon!wah lau he is such a procrastinater!!!eek...nevermind that...after his godsis called him, he asked me should he go for the campfire or not...indeed i went like go la of course...wat he replied was " go campfire u wan me to b duh duh there ar?"...i didnt bother him tho..i couldnt stand him for a while due to his ermm attitude...he needs a change honestly...actually the main idea of having him there is for transportation and also to be with him...:P

well, i did debate with my parents till i got the car..i went for the campfire...ermm dunno anyone there except 4 mum, bro n aunty not forgetting mr loo....the performances were kinda slow at the begining....then aunt and i got bored...y? cos we werent very happy with the stupid performances...then my baka bro came n sat beside me n started perlying me with uncle....after a while, he told me that im a wall seperating mum n him....jus because he wants to talk to mum....he left after a couple of mins... i jus ignored him cause i was too ermm attached to the performance...actually insulting very single bit of it...

then after he left, mr loo started to bugg me...i went along with mum n aunty.. he went like, hahaha, you wanna go back d rite, i was like yeah i wanna go back d...cause my the other half of me isnt here...he was like, why dont u call him or sms him.. i told him, he has no hp besides, i dun hav credit....mum went like nah i give u his num..he took it from mum n wah lau he really did called uncle...wah lau..ididnt expect him to call 1 k..it was embarassing ok..he told him that i missed him n ask him to call me back...thank god that time uncle was sleeping n you know la wat will a sleepy person ans...he din take it seriously...thank god again...mum also called and explained to uncle...he took it jokingly...

it was such a relieve after mums explaination....we sat down and continue with the performances....this time when bro came, i sek chou d...move from my seat n let him sit n talk with mum...i went over to aunty n tok to her then...the performances werent wat u call nice lo...its more like ermm crap la...anyway its always different if you sign in as a VIP n not a participant..the campfire spirit isnt there..the cheering n stuffs, you cant sit at the VIPs place n cheer rite, it will b like out of place or sth lidat...

after that again i met my ex...haha too bad la his bestfren is one of the commitee members mar no doubt he is there...if i knew he is going, ill rather not go n meet him there and get pissed with him about the past..haha... bro thought it was him making me mad due to the perlying bout me n uncle..i wasnt ok i wasnt pissed at u laa bro...u can never make me mad 1...esp about uncle 1..

haha we left the campfire thing around 10.15pm. cos aunty said that she was starving...we went 2 look for food...haha we went all the way to town n turn all the way back to air itam cos we remembered that bro didnt eat for the whole day...poor bro la seriously...we turn back to air itam.. he msged n told us that he cannot leave...so we went to 7-11 n bought bread...not we actualy its only mum n sarah...me as usual dont buy stuffs 1...hahaha..we drove all the way to air itam sch n gave him his bun...

i felt pity for him la...when he sat in my car, he looked very very exhausted...poorthing...we all asked him to rest in the car since he was tired...but after 20 - 45 mins, grandma called, ask mum to go back... 10 mins after she called, my mum called then my dad...all asking me to go home cos its way over my curfew..wat to do...terpaksa shoo him out fr the car lo watelse rite...really pity him la...its more like me treating him like my own bro....cos if its only frens, i'll dun care la, he will find his way through...n jus leave him stranded there alone...

well, now im grounded again cos i came home like 1hour n 10 mins late...drounded for how long i dont know...but i dun wish its long cos i only have like 2weeks before i go back to sch..(boring) nevertheless ill get to see my frens again after 6mths or less...i cant go out much with mum anymore...gonna b in a different sch..but i think we will b meeting each other in tuition n study groups...lol...